It’s no secret that I’ve hated this season of American Idol. My loathing of this season is directly related to the stupidity of the American Idol viewing public.

I’m fully aware that this country is riddled with idiots, I just wish said idiots were restricted in their usage of mobile telephones. I’m looking at you, young girls struggling to pass remedial math in some skank ass junior high school. It’s because of you and your friends that this year has been totally wretched. You’ve kept trailer park talent like Aaron Kelly around when far superior artists have been left along the side of the Idol road. And how can we forget the extended stay Tim Urban and Andrew Garcia received. For shame, America. For shame.

In the spirit of being pissed off that Idol has been beaten down to the point where it doesn’t even resemble the show it once was, let’s take a look at some of this season’s best performances, from contestants that were inexplicably voted off in favor of the poop parade we’ve been subjected to during the last month and a half.

First up, Katelyn Epperly’s hauntingly amazing version of Coldplay’s “The Scientist.” Yes, I gave this girl a lot of shit for seeming trashy during Hollywood Week. She totally won me over with this performance, though. A performance few of the remaining contestants have managed to match.

And then there’s Alex Lambert. I miss you every week, Alex. Why the unofficial dictators of American Idol (aka teen girls) chose Tim Urban and Aaron Kelly over you, I’ll never know. Of the three, you seem the most likely to actually like girls, so what gives? Oh well. I have high hopes something bigger is in store for you. I hope so, anyway.

And finally, Lilly Scott. The girl who would fall victim to being too much a mixture of singer-songwriter (Crystal’s bag) and kooky (Siobhan’s stronghold), all leading to her premature exit. Apologies for the lengthy video for this one. Finding good-quality, performance-only clips of Lilly proved rather difficult. Nevertheless, enjoy and remember happier times!

Tonight’s episode of American Idol may look more like a genre-bending concert festival, but we’re promised there will be results at some point, too.

Does anyone remember the olden days, when Idol results shows were a half hour? It was just “Here we are. There you go. See you next week.” These are the days I long for. Unfortunately, when you’re the #1 show in America – well maybe not anymore – then everyone wants to hock themselves on your show. Hence, hour-long results show from now until the end of time.

Rascal Flatts is up first. It’s funny that Lady Antebellum is performing later, because – and let’s face it – they’ve stolen Rascal Flatts’ career. That’s right, I said it. Sure, the Flatts boys are still popular and still sell tons of records and concert tickets, but Lady Antebellum definitely stole some, or most, of their thunder. The performance is pretty good, though. Not amazing, but pretty good.

Since we all love the Ford music videos, tonight we get a look at some behind the scenes action at the shoot. Because Idol is always original and inventive, tonight’s video is all about Vampires. Crystal and Siobhan definitely make the best vampires. Siobhan-bies everywhere are overjoyed.

After the behind the scenes business, we get a look at the actual Ford video. Shockingly, I don’t hate it. It’s certainly one of the least annoying ones of the season. That’s enough for me at this point.

Now the gang is attending a screening of Shrek Forever After. And lookie, Ryan has a cameo in the film. Synergy at work, people. The degree to which Ryan’s narcissism has progressed during the course of nine seasons has been fascinating. Someone should really study this guy.

After the video clip, Cameron Diaz and Antonio Banderas chat with Ryan onstage. Ryan makes a horrid joke about Fiona looking hotter in person, completely negating the entire moral theme of the Shrek movies, which I’ve always thought was to let your inner beauty shine. Clearly, Ryan has no inner beauty to speak of.

Time for some real results. Ryan is splitting the group into sets of two. Perhaps it will only be a bottom two, after all? Siobhan to the end of the stage. Aaron to the middle. Michael to the near side. Lee joins Siobhan, Crystal to Aaron and Casey with Michael. That looks right to me, assuming Michael and Casey are the bottom two. Hmmm…what’s this? Ryan pulls Siobhan and walks her over to Casey and Michael. Rude! That’s the bottom three – with Siobhan-bhan! Screw you, Ryan.

Another performance – this one taped, however, reminding me that Idol is still bad at pretending everything is happening on one night.

Anywho, Sons of Sylvia feels like a new breed of glam country that Carrie Underwood has started. I hadn’t heard much of them before this performance, but they kind of won me over. I didn’t love the ‘We love you’ comment at the end, because they aren’t famous enough to be telling millions of people they love them, but I digress. I still really enjoyed their performance. What a great opportunity for them, too, to perform for this kind of an audience. I foresee a large iTunes bump in their future.

Ryan welcomes us back by weirdly flirting with a girl in the audience, telling her she looks like a Kardashian. This guy needs to hang his hat and call it a day. It’s painful to watch.

Finally, Lady Antebellum performs, and it’s predictably amazing. “Need You Now” is such an amazing song, and I love the way they sing to each other at the end. I’m sure they aren’t an item, but in my head they are. An item that sometimes has problems, causing them to write really painful, beautiful songs. Here’s to continued strife that benefits the rest of us with good music! I wish Lady Antebellum could win this season, but alas, they cannot. This performance was also taped, FYI.

Rascal Flatts is back to perform with Shakira. (This one is happening live, believe it or not.) Shakira is such a pleasing performer to watch. Her songs are catchy enough, her hips are so honest it hurts and she smiles a lot. It’s infectious. I actually quite like this duet. It’s sort of Latin/Pop/Country…in a good way.

Back to the results. Michael is safe, which means either Siobhan-bhan or Casey are leaving. I’m getting the feeling it’s the end of the line for Siobhan-bhan, which bums me out and irritates me beyond belief. Even though I don’t like Casey much, he shouldn’t be in the bottom two, either. He was good last night.

The extra space is a moment of silence dedicated to the Idol memory of everyone’s favorite glassblower, Siobhan-bhan Magnus. That’s right. She’s voted off. I’m 95% pissed off and 5% laughing right now. Laughing because it makes perfect sense. This season has been disappointment after disappointment. Why would I think the disappointments were to end? I’m fairly positive this is the worst top five ever in the history of singing competitions.

Siobhan is singing “Think” and killing it, as expected. She’s hugging her family, and I’m completely riveted. I’m also shaking a bit. The bizarre mixture of grief and anger is not good for a boy like me. I don’t even feel sad, really, just irritated.

Despite the overwhelming feeling of disgust that is filling my body, I feel like I got some Idol closure for the first time ever, due to the lengthy farewell we got with Siobhan. All the judges hugged her, praised her and she got to go out with a killer performance and a fittingly peculiar and charming video package. I’ll never forget you, Siobhan-bhan. To the rest of the top five, I’ve already forgotten most of you.

Siobhan-bhan's Farewell

A paint salesman. A high school student. A glassblower. A mother. A father. And a construction worker. With their powers combined, they become…MEDIOCRE IDOL!

Overdramatic opening? Check. Thanks, Ryan. At least this year has been consistent.

Tonight, the Idols are singing Shania Twain songs, with Shania as the mentor. I have loved the Twain for years, so I’m happy about this week.

Sure, ‘country week’ has been a bit of a trap in the past, but Shania Twain songs are a little bit country and a little bit of lots of other things. Lyrically, her songs are some of the very best – ever. Hopefully, the kiddies can pull it together and do her justice.

Lee Dewyze, “You’re Still the One”: This is another solid performance from Lee. It seems to me that Lee is firmly in second place at this point. No one looks to be threatening Crystal’s frontrunner status, but Lee consistently proves that he’s basically ready to make a record. He’s also never been in the bottom three, a fact that can’t be taken lightly. Besides Lee and Crystal, Siobhan-bhan is the only person not to make a bottom three appearance. The judges all liked Lee’s performance, which I think I liked even more than they did. The little changes to the melody were really beautiful. Oh and Kara had some sound advice for Lee, as she always does: “Keep that face, you’re cute.” Such a poet.

Michael Lynche, “It Only Hurts When I Breathe”: I was hoping someone would sing this, because I love songs with hugely dramatic titles. It doesn’t get more ridiculous and sappy than this one. Aw, I really love me some Shania Twain. Look at her tearing up. This is a really nice performance. Michael is becoming a sort of annoying personality, with all the picking people up and being loud and such, but he’s still a terrific singer. Simon calls it ‘wet’ and a bit too girly for Michael. Hmm…pretty lame to say, since the song was WRITTEN BY A WOMAN. I smell sabotage.

Casey James, “Don’t”: I couldn’t find Casey any more boring as a person, but this performance was actually very good. Please note that his hair was down. The link between Casey’s hair choices and his success on the Idol stage can no longer be ignored. I speak the truth! The judges are freaking out over this performance. Kara is smiling like a goon. I think she’s high. Simon sends Casey to kiss Shania ‘on the lips,’ but they decide on a hug. Probably for the best.

Crystal Bowersox, “No One Needs to Know”: Could MamaSox make her first bottom three performance of the season??? It’s not terribly likely, but if it’s gonna happen, this is the week. Nothing was really wrong with this performance, but it didn’t really go anywhere, either. The judges are definitely not feeling it very much, and Crystal is sort of talking back to them, claiming that not every performance needs to be a ‘big’ performance. I agree with her to an extent, but this is American Idol. You sort of do have to go big every week. (See also: Any Kelly Clarkson performance from her Idol days.) Simon tells Crystal he loves her, but that is after making it clear he wasn’t into her this week. I’m sure she’s safe.

Aaron Kelly, “You’ve Got a Way”: Well if there was ever a week when Aaron was going to get his ish together, this was going to be it. I’ve talked a lot of trash on this kid for the last few weeks, but he definitely scored with this performance. Don’t get me wrong, I still find him terribly unappealing, and am sure he won’t win, but this was definitely one of his very best. The judges are loving it, and even Simon is giving Aaron mad props. It looks Aaron is going to cry a bit. He’s still far from the nuggets of yesteryear (i.e Arcuhuleta, Allen), but at least tonight he proved he’s no Sanjaya, either.

Siobhan Magnus, “Any Man of Mine”: As a Siobhan-bhan fan, I’m obviously relieved when the judges like anything she does, especially after the mistreatment she’s received the last couple of weeks. That being said, I didn’t love this performance as much as the judges did. I’m thankful they were so excited about it, but I didn’t really love it until the last 30 seconds or so. Still, those thirty seconds were enough to make me sublimely happy. She pulled out a money note reminiscent of her better performances, like “Paint it Black” and “Think.” She even did a little falsetto at the end, which is her real sweet spot. The screaming is awesome and all, but to hit those super-high notes with such ease and tenderness, that’s the most exciting thing about her voice.

Somehow, some way everyone was at least moderately enjoyable tonight. Can you believe it? It’s just a shame it took us this long to get here.

Either way, someone has to hit the road tonight. Assuming they will switch to a bottom two now that we’re down to six, I’m going with Michael and Crystal in the bottom two. I don’t think Crystal is in any real danger, but I do think her performance was the weakest last night. I think it’s the end of the ‘journey’ for Michael. Despite consistently great vocal performances, I don’t think he’s a favorite personality at this point, and that will cost him a spot in the final five.

Am I way off? Who do you think is getting the proverbial boot? Sound off below.

Shania Twain with Idol's Top Six

Kristen Chenoweth is back tonight…get ready.

Here are the tunes (at least some of them) from tonight’s episode. Enjoy!

Mondays suck. There are no two ways around that.

If you’re suffering from a case of the Mondays, check out ZooBorns, home to countless photos of newborns at zoos and aquariums all across the globe.

And for your pre-clicking pleasures, here is one of my favorites…

Newborn Giraffe, with her Mama