I didn’t know this was even happening, did any of you? Either way, the movie that scared audiences shitless last year is getting the sequel treatment.

There’s not much to be found in this newly released teaser trailer, but it’s still effing scary. Don’t hurt the puppy!

I loved and was horrified by the first movie, and I’m sure I’ll be sucked in much the same way this time around. Still, this isn’t the horror movie sequel I’m most looking forward to.

More on that later. In the meantime, enjoy the trailer for Paranormal Activity 2 below…

Assistant White House Chef Sam Katz is this week’s guest judge. That’s very cool and all, but where art thou, Eric Ripert?

Today’s Quickfire Challenge is a biparti-sandwich challenge. Thank you, Top Chef writers. Please do go pun crazy. This challenge also marks the first knife block appearance of the season. And that was quite the epic reveal.

The cheftestants choose partners based on the numbers on their knives. The twist is that the newly paired chefs must cook together while wearing a Siamese-style apron. Yes. It looks like that. And hilarity ensues when Alex and Tim entertain with some silly knife banter, if there is such a thing as silly knife banter.

Tracy admits to having a crush on Angelo, and proceeds to giggle like a schoolgirl about sharing an apron with him. I guess Tracy forgot she was on television.

After tasting the dishes, Steven & Jacqueline and Lynn & Tiffany are deemed the worst. Sorry gals – and guy. To the surprise of no one, the top two groups are Tracy & Angelo (mostly Angelo) and Ed and Kenny. Tracy and Angelo go on to win, prompting Angelo’s head to fill the room and Kenny’s head to fill with steam. There’s also some major jealousy brewing amongst the larger group of contestants. I smell a food fight! Not really.

Tonight’s Elimination Challenge has the chefs cooking school lunches – on a school lunch budget. The teams of two are doubled to teams of four for this challenge. As the winner of the Quickfire, Angelo picks his teammates and opts for Kenny and Ed on his team. Hmm. Respect? Or sabotage? Oh the scandal!

Timeout for a tender moment, friends.  The chefs are learning an important lesson about how hard it is for the public school system to feed the kiddies with little to no money. Somewhere, Jamie Oliver is smiling. Or crying, since Colicchio is really stepping on his toes with this one.

Tracy is tearing up while talking about her girlfriend’s daughter. No need to scroll up; she definitely said she had a crush on Angelo earlier. Different times, people. Different times.

Angelo is having some peanut butter issues, and the other teams won’t let him use their pastry guns. He chooses to do little to no troubleshooting. This dude is shady.

The kids come rolling in, followed by the judges. Lots of high-pitched noises. Ears. Bleeding.

After tasting all the dishes, Padma calls Angelo’s team and Amanda’s team to Judges’ Table. These are clearly the bottom teams, which is very saucy. Tracy and Angelo can’t go home, since they have immunity from the Quickfire. Jacqueline’s banana pudding (with 2 lbs of sugar – seriously!) and Stephen’s veggie rice get picked on almost immediately, followed by Amanda’s boozy, Sherry chicken. Sherry? For the children?

Team Angelo & Kenny (and Ed and Tracy) gets attacked for a lack of nutritional content, but the conversation quickly turns to thoughts of sabotage, which causes Angelo to feign offense. We’re hip to your game, buddy. Then, the cheftestants proceed to beat each other up for about five minutes. Fun stuff.

Lynn, Tiffany, Kelly and Arnold are announced as the top four. Arnold’s corn and tomato salad, Kelly’s carnitas tacos, Tiffany’s veggie-infused ice cream and Lynn’s bean cake with sweet potatoes all pleased the judges. In the end, Kelly’s tacos take the prize. (Yikes.) Too bad she was a sass ass to her teammates all episode long.

Amanda, Jacqueline, Kenny and Ed are declared the bottom of the barrel. While it seemed Ed was headed toward being the sacrificial lamb for Kenny and Angelo, Jacqueline (and her 2 lbs of sugar) are dunzo. Sorry, Jacqueline. Maybe I’ll see you around Brooklyn!

Angelo and Tracy Get Close

If you’re like me, your TV has been preheated and waiting for this premiere since the Voltaggio brothers battled it out in Vegas for last year’s coveted culinary crown. I never could resist good alliteration.

It’s the season premiere, so there are too many cooks in the kitchen (literally) to mention them all by name. If you care to review the entire list of cheftestants, click here.

After meeting one another atop DC’s Newseum, this season’s would-be top chefs are thrown into a classic, first Quickfire Challenge. There’s some peeling of potatoes, some fancy dicing of onions and some breaking down of chickens.

At the conclusion of the kitchen Olympics, Angelo, Kenny, Timothy and Kevin remain standing. Kind of a blow to the ladies, eh? The final fours guys will create impromptu dishes to determine the winner.

Padma and Tom (oh how I’ve missed these two!) taste the four plates, and it’s a no for Timothy and Kevin almost immediately. It’s pretty clear that Angelo and Kenny are going to be two of this year’s heaviest hitters. Angelo takes the first Quickfire Crown, which translates to $20,000. Apparently, this season of Top Chef has an interest group size budget. It’s worth pointing out that Angelo appears to be his own biggest fan, which is never a favorable trait.

Wasting no time, Padma announces that the first elimination challenge of the season is to prepare a dish that reflects each chef’s hometown. The final four from the first challenge get to pick their groups for the elimination challenge. The catch? Their “group” is actually who they will be competing against. A loser from each group will be on the chopping block.

After an inaugural trip to Whole Foods (the political/culinary puns will not end, so get used to it), the chefs head to the Top Chef kitchen to prepare their dishes. Angelo continues to be a bit of an egotist, comparing his flavors to an orchestra. Yawn.

The judges begin to make their rounds, sampling all the dishes. Eric Ripert, who happens to be one of my very favorite chefs, joins Padma, Tom and Gail as a full-time judge this season. I’m very excited by this news.

The judges – and Washingtonians – are getting things off to a hilariously sassy start, criticizing most of the dishes for being over fried, under seasoned, not a proper representation of the home states or just plain unappetizing.

There were a few standouts, though. Kenny, Angelo, Alex and Kevin were the judges’ favorites in week one – and Angelo was their very favorite, winning with some fish and bacon foam. Fancy. For Stephen, John, Jacqueline and Timothy, however, the Top Chef road could be a rather short one, sans deliciousness. One of them is about to peace out.

After the usual tongue lashing from Collichio, season seven’s first victim is John. He got the axe because his maple mousse, uh, didn’t taste like maple. Check out the picture below (sent in by Jennie Long, a dear friend of The Lamp Post). It exposes John’s ’stunning’ resemblance to the creep-o scientist from Independence Day. It’s uncanny!

Judging by the preview clips, we’re in for a great season seven, filled with guest appearances from plenty of D.C.’s A-listers (ahem, Nancy Pelosi). See you next week!

Scary Scientist

No-So-Scary Top Cheftestant

If you’re a resident of Glamnation, today is a holiday. Adam Lambert’s new video for “If I Had You” is finally available for public consumption.

I suppose you can catch it on MTV or VH1 at 7am in the morning. Otherwise, YouTube it is!

Personally, I’m not feelin’ feelin’ the weird dreadlocks Adam is rockin’ in this vid, but I do love the Allison Iraheta cameo.

The clip is more in the vein of “For Your Entertainment” than “Whataya Want From Me,” sans the crotch-grabbing and forced fellatio Adam became infamous for early on. Draw your own conclusions below…

Thanks for the first look, Seacrest!

During her appearance on ‘Larry King Live’ Tuesday, Gaga showed a small clip of the video, which she called, “a celebration of my love and appreciation for the gay community, my admiration of their bravery and their love for one another and their courage and their relationships.”

What she didn’t mention was the part where she puts an entire rosary in her mouth. Oh well. An oversight, I’m sure.

As a Catholic whose devotion to his faith is ever-waining, I’m not that offended. My mother, on the other hand, will surely be distraught. Luckily, I’m old now and she can’t prohibit my viewing of this, like when she placed a familial embargo on the film “Dogma,” because it was ‘offensive to our faith.’ Oh, Mom.

Here’s the video. Prepare to lose your religion all over again…