Another year, another stretch of winter weather and chapped lips made only tolerable by the constant stream of award shows from now until March. And while some award shows have already come and gone (People’s Choice, anyone? Anyone?), the real kick-off to awards season is the Golden Globes.

Ricky Gervais served as emcee for the evening. While I thought he was hilarious, I received a concerned voice mail from my Mother, leading me to believe that his inappropriate and always vulgar humor may not have sit well with the older set. For the record, I’d still have a drink with Mel Gibson. Hell, I’d buy Mel Gibson a drink just to watch the word vomit commence.

For the sake of my time (and your sanity), let’s review a selection of the best and worst moments, with special appreciation for the worst.

T H E   G O O D

Glee’s Triumph
No one was happier than this guy (I’m pointing to myself) when Olivia Wilde and her breasts announced Glee as the Globe winner for Best Comedy/Musical Television Series. Sure, Modern Family & 30 Rock are both funnier in the purest sense of the word, but in the end I think it’s the thoughtful inclusion of musical performances that sealed Glee’s fate as the winner. Plus, the Globes love to reward the new, “hot” show (See also: Ugly Betty’s win in 2007). Unlike Betty, I’m hoping this win doesn’t send Glee straight to the Friday evening time slot, a.k.a the purgatory of television.

Michael C. Hall’s Speech (& Lithgow’s Tears)
I haven’t seen much of Dexter during it’s run, but I’ve always been a fan of Michael C. Hall. He’s always nominated, and this year he finally wins. The timing is terribly bittersweet as Michael just announced his cancer diagnosis to the public. In the pressroom he explained that he wanted to keep it quiet, but knew that would be impossible with the Globes approaching. His speech was one of the best of the night and was made only better by the perfectly timed tears of both his co-star (and former network TV alien) John Lithgow and his wife, Jennifer Carpenter. You might remember her from that movie where she was possessed and scared the shit out you. At least she scared the shit out of me. Still haven’t pooed since seeing that damn movie.

Meryl is Love
There aren’t many things in this world better than Meryl Streep – and I’m serious. Her acceptance speech for Julie & Julia is worthy of an award itself. She made the appropriate Haiti reference, tearfully paid tribute to her mother, and all while maintaining the near impossible balance of quiet confidence and the “It’s not me, it’s the character” excuse for her victory. It ain’t the role, Meryl. It’s all you, girl.

Hope Floats
How nice to see Sandra Bullock make it all the way to the podium at the Golden Globes after her meager beginnings just trying to keep a damn bus above 50MPH. I haven’t seen The Blind Side, but I don’t care. I’ve heard great things, even if the accent seems a little hokey. Plus, Tim McGraw plays her husband in the movie. If that doesn’t spell Oscar Gold, I’m not sure what does!

T H E   B A D

Toni Collette Wins For a Show I Thought Was Over
Is The United States of Tara even still on the air? I assumed that would be a “one and done” kind of show. Plus, I don’t know anyone that actually watches it. I loved Collette in Little Miss Sunshine and plenty of other things she’s been in, BUT she’s not as funny as Tina Fey and from what I know she sure as hell doesn’t sing sweet diddies on that show like Lea Michele on Glee, so I was annoyed. Plus her speech was boring she didn’t cry. LAME!

Chloe Sevigny Confuses Herself for a Diva That’s Worth a Damn
Boo to this biatch. First, you have no business beating the genius Jane Lynch. Second, you just won a Golden Globe, you can stop bitching about the poor usher that ripped your dress already. It’s not like anyone believes you actually bought the damn thing, anyway. Stick to what you do best, Chloe, which are blowjobs. (No, that link won’t take you to an online tutorial. Sorry. It’s safe and appropriate for work. Unless your work hates Wikipedia.)

T H E   U G L Y

Icky Mickey
I have nothing against Mickey Rourke, and if I have my way I’ll never have anything against him for fear of catching something incurable. I’m not going to make fun of Mickey’s silly tux. He looked kind of bad, but he always does. What I want to make fun of is the fact that he struggled to utter Sandra Bullock’s name, which is simply not a challenging pronunciation. Gabourey Sidibe, I’ll give you. Sandra Bullock (san·dra; bul·lock), I will not.

Monique’s Hairy Gams
Monique is my kind of woman. She’s loud, mildly offensive and really hairy! Most of you were probably more focused on her moving acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actress, and it was a great speech (even with the 345 pregnant pauses)! What I loved most about Monique at the Globes, however, was the re-appearance of her sexy stems. No Nair? No problem! Check ‘em out below, peeps.

Everyone’s favorite television network, NBC, will broadcast the 67^th annual Golden Globe Awards tonight, beginning at 8PM EST.

As always, pre-show coverage across multiple networks (TV Guide, E!) begins a couple of hours before the actual show. So whether you’re a fan of the guy that hosts The Bachelor (TV Guide Channel) or you actually want to watch Ryan Seacrest on TV for the 195^th time this week (E!), there’s something for everyone.

Need a refresher on this year’s crop of nominees? Click here for the full list.

I’m rooting for 30 Rock, Modern Family, Glee & Mad Men on the TV side. Still finishing up my quest to see all of the year’s big movies, but I’ve got lots of love for Avatar, Inglourious Basterds and all things to do with Meryl Streep and Sandra Bullock. Maybe we’ll get another kiss like we did at the Critic’s Choice Awards last Friday?

I also hope Monique wins for two reasons. First, hearing someone like Helen Mirren proclaim, “And the Golden Globe goes to…Monique!” will make my week month. Second, I’m hoping her acceptance speech will feel like a flashback to her VH1 days, schooling those hoes on Charm School. I need it like Jennifer Aniston needs to be loved…which is a lot.

Here’s a look at the Streep/Bullock lip-lock (and Sandra’s acceptance speech) from when the gals tied for Best Actress at Friday evening’s Critic’s Choice Awards…